Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
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You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
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I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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