Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
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6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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