So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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