how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize