I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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