It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
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Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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