Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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