I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
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My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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