When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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