I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
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There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize