if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize