No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize