The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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