never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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