I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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