i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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