Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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