Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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