I think I died a long time ago.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize