Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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