Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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