i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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