cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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