I heard we made out
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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