we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
