I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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