My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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