he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize