I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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