i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
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If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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