Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Couch. On fire.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize