How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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