I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize