You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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