Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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