His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
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I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
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I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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