it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize