If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
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I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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