She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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