I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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