We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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