I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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