i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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