i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
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