I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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