Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize