If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize