i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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