I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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