i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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