Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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